nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
