We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
