it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
