Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
