I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
