im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
