Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
