Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just pee around me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
