after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Never underestimate the power of titties
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
