I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
