you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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