wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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