u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
