this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
