my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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