I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
