i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
