I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
