You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
