Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
