My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
