So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
