could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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