Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
