Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
