Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
