She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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