you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
