are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
