Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
