I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
