she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
