my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
