you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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