if you like me you must not know who I am
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
