I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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