i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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