There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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