As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
