Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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