there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
