my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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