from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
