What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
