is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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