I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
