Need sex. Gaining weight.
i wish my penis had a tongue
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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