my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
