Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
