Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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