My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
